Inner Journey Expectations 12/29/17

EXPECTATIONS!!!  That can be a dangerous word!  I have learned that when you go into something with expectations you are often left feeling disappointed.  Most the time those expectations are not met or fall short.  So, I am jumping into this little journey to New Orleans with an open mind and open eyes.

I honestly do not know what it will be like.  I feel like it is going to be a culture shock.    I am a conservative person and I would say grew up a little bit of a sheltered life.  So, I am ready to explore a little bit more of the world.  From the little bit I have looked up on New Orleans everyone appears to always be having an enjoyable time and ravish on the architecture and scenery.  I love seeing how people are born and raised differently than myself.  I often wonder what my life would be like if I had been born in a different place.

From this trip I hope to gain a new understanding of people.  I hope to grow culturally, not just for my nursing profession, but on a personal level.  People fascinate me.  How we are all unique but one species.  Sometimes I just do not understand people though!  HA!  I’m sure everyone has said that at one point or another!!!

I took this class because I thought it would be a wonderful opportunity to grow and spend time with my friends as we were exploring a new place.  I also had to have an upper class so WIN, WIN!

I want to experience whatever New Orleans has to offer me.  From what I hear there is great music, great food, and plenty to gaze at.  The only references I have to go by is the little I have learned from working on our E-travel guides.  I think it will be neat to explore the places we have talked about.

I am most looking forward to the thing I’m most scared about the most, being away from my family.  I have never really been on my own or done anything on my own.  This is my first adventure in the world on my own.  I married the guy I dated through high school a year after high school and 6 months later we were expecting.  I have devoted myself to my family for the last 16 years and the last couple I have been trying to focus on myself.  Not that I’ve forsaken my family, but I am trying to better them by bettering myself.  I hope I am teaching my kids to never give up on their goals or dreams.  We still have options no matter where life’s journey takes us.  It just so happens that 2018 has taken me to New Orleans.  Louisiana will be another state that I can cross off the map.  I would like to be able to say one day that I have been to all 50 states.  I am over half way there. 

If I seem a little edgy on the trip, don’t mind me It’s my first time being a big girl😊, not to mention I have anxiety and I always fear the worst.  So now I will be worry about myself and being gone from my family, but I hope to thoroughly enjoy and experience this trip to its fullest!!

FAMILY

Outer Journey to New Orleans 12/29/17

Looking around I see stuff scattered.  The things I have been gathering for the last month to be prepared for my trip.  My first trip away from my family.  There are things to pack, things not to pack, things maybe I should pack.  Some of the craziness I’m surrounded by reflects how I currently feel on the inside.  I can feel my body tensing up as I try to decide how to narrow my packing down.  I’m embracing the sweet familiarity of my home as I’m packing.  The smell of fresh laundry, kids fighting, my son bouncing a ball up     

and down the hall, the girls giggling, the dog barking, and the TV so loud I’m sure the neighbors can hear it.

              How will I ever get all of this to fit in my bags?  I don’t want to have to check a bag but there’s so much to take!  Am I forgetting anything?  I always forget something.  Shirts, pants, underwear, socks, pajamas, shoes, bathrooms supplies, the piles around me just keep getting bigger and my suitcase just keeps getting smaller.  I’m tired from trying to get it all together.

              Finally, it’s all shoved in every space available.  My things are folded, rolled, and jammed in.  The suitcase barely zips up.  In pops a kid asking me what I’m doing.  Then the whining starts.  “I don’t want you to go! Can I go with you?”  I wish, but secretly am looking forward to time away, but terrified at the thought of leaving!  He wants me to pack him inside my suitcase.  Ha!  A few hugs, I tell him okay, we laugh as I hold back tears, and he goes back to bouncing his ball up and down the hall.

              I sit on the end of the bed and soak it in.  This is my home, this is my comfort place.  The place where I let it all out while trying to hold it all together.  I take a deep breath and try to smell, hear, taste, and feel it all so I can remember it for the next 9 days. What have I gotten myself into?

              Four months ago, this was all my idea.  I thought there would be plenty of time to prepare.  Time has flown by and here I am trying to get all prepared for my departure a couple weeks out.  Luckily the kids are out of school until I return.  However, there are still practices that they must get to and games that will be played.  I hate missing my kids’ games.  I now it will all work out and get taken care of, but I hate having to depend on people and not being here.

              Bags are packed and sitting by the door in my bedroom.  There they sit quietly, patiently waiting to begin a journey that has been building up for months.  They sit with the smell of home all packed away in them.  Packed with my life for the 9 day journey that begins in just a few short days!!

You might find him in my suitcase:)

Waiting for the Journey